The stray puppy that finally got to me

I didn't name her because if I did, I would have to keep her, landlady or no.

I picked up this dog near the Shpresa office. I was walking towards the municipality of Cair to go to the atm and check that I have limited denari. I see this little brown puppy limping on the sidewalk all alone and whimpering a little as she goes along. Against my better judgement, I stoop down to pet her. Mistake number 1. She is so sweet and she looks up at me with her sad little stray puppy eyes and I can resist the urge to pick her up- so i did. Mistake number 2. I cuddle her for a while and then put her back down. She flops on her side since her foot is hurt. I gather up my resolve and turn to keep walking to the municipality.

I get 15 feet away from lovely puppy and an old man is sitting in his car, engine off. He has been watching me with the pup and tells me "zemi! zemi!". I ask if he knows if its someone's dog and he says no, its a dobro kuche and i should take it! well alright! Epic impulsive decision fail.

I carry her home and 20 minutes later I am feeding her peanut butter and milk because its the only food i have that a dog may want. She watches me all the time. If i leave her for a moment, she starts to whine. I put her in the bathroom (tile floor for easier cleaning) on a blanket with some water and try to leave to go to vero for something to feed her but i can hear her crying through 2 doors. I have to tell Nikolinka, cause she is going to hear this anyway.

I take puppy downstairs and put her outside in the back yard. I go up to appeal to my landlady, Nikolinka. I tell her I found a puppy near work, it has a bum foot and i want to keep her until her foot is healed (which i wanted to make a very indefinite amount of time). I can tell by the look on her face that it ain't going to happen. She frowns in disgust to know its a street dog but I just stare at her and pretend I don't understand her (its not so much pretending anymore really) and she says ok, but only on the balcony. :-\ I wanted to check on the ok-ness of me keeping the pup in the bathroom at least while im not home but i forgot the word for bathroom. Nice.

Then Nina gets a different idea. I can keep the puppy in the fenced in concrete driveway area out front. Sigh. I am clearly not about this. I would rather have puppy be free in green grass on the sidewalks then penned in on a concrete slab. Didn't have to worry long, puppy slipped through the fence as we stood there talking about my weight, which was a fun side note. Nina was apparently trying to tell me that I look thinner and wanted to know how I was losing weight. I thought she was telling me I was getting fatter. (Slab - thin, debel - fat. Totally mixed it up.) I ended up telling her it was beer making me fat, drinking with prijateli, which made her confused. Beer makes you fat, she told me. Ooh ok, you weren't telling me I was fat. Raz-bi-ram sega.

Puppy picked a nice soft cluster of long grass to curl up in out in front of my apartment building. I went back upstairs to my apartment and tried not to think about epic failure in securing a puppy and consoled myself by thinking of all the reasons why I can't and shouldn't have a puppy right now. An hour later, I couldn't see her from the balcony anymore.

When it got dark, I decided that I had indulged in way too much battlestar galactica and needed to go outside for a walk. I walked slow and looked around for my lost puppy love. I found her near the prodav by John Kennedy, sitting on the sidewalk crying. I pick her up, cuddle her again and walk her off to a nice spot to lay in while i planned on going to vero for food for her.

As I was walking away, the puppy got up to follow me. Then, a little boy and his mother were coming out of the apartment buildings and saw my puppy. He picked her up and they walked off down the street.

Now, I would feel good about this. I can assume the best for my lil pup. But I just remembered a minor horrifying detail about this particular area where I set her down. Back in June or July, I recall walking to work one morning and smiling at a little boy (hopefully not the same one) playing with a puppy on a makeshift leash of string. Cute right?

3-4 hours later, walking home from work in hot summer sun, I see the same little boy playing with a dead puppy on a string. Not in a malicious way, I just don't think he was old enough to understand that the puppy was not alive anymore. Its got to be a different kid. The one that took the puppy last night probably did not live where I saw him with his mom.

I keep hoping its not the same kid. I keep wishing I kept the puppy. I did not see her again today, but I am carrying around a can of poshteta in my bag just in case we meet again. cause i'm a sucker.

This is my life and I like it.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder or something like that right? Apologies for the unannounced vacation from the blog and leaving you with just a snarky cartoon for weeks.

The truth is, my life has found its way to normalcy again. Once the holiday month was over and I started going to work for more than 3 consecutive days per week, things just got comfortable. I’m reminded everyday that I am still living in a foreign country when I fail to understand simple commands in local languages, but its no longer something new. You just get used to comprehending 30% of any given conversation. When you think about it, its not that hard being abroad (exception: missing people who are not in Macedonia, that is tough) because like some volunteers said in training, its still life. You go to work, you see your friends, you go food shopping, you watch the news. The new part: I eat ayvar.

Let me take you on a written tour of my typical day here in the Skop.

Somewhere between 730 and 830, my alarm goes off and if you have ever lived with me at some point, you know there is another 30-45 minutes of absolutely ridiculous snooze button abuse.

I get out of bed and make some Turkish coffee, or lately a cup of Lipton tea with milk and sugar thanks to some awesome people in NJ who know that my love of Lipton knows no bounds. (ps. I made sun tea already and a “cauldron” of iced tea, it was glorious.) If its nice outside, I’ll go drink my caffeine out on the balcony in the sun.

I eat tropical fruit muesli (35% fruit!) for breakfast and read a book until about 930 when I realize its getting late and I need to shower. “Shower”. I miss a real shower every once in a while. Some volunteers have jury-rigged shower curtains and have gotten holders for their shower heads to simulate the American Shower Experience. I have not, I’m not sure it would work out in my bathroom. Instead, I have a bathtub with a giant step and a handheld shower head thingy. Its fun in its own way, but not when I’m late. At least being late here isn’t a big deal like it is in the US.

I get dressed and I still haven’t figured out what is and isn’t considered ‘business casual’ for Macedonia. I think I could wear anything I want really, but I harbor this notion that looking slightly professional will help my credibility and cancel out the “you’re not 23?!!” problem. Yes, I have had to resort to the passport to prove that I am not <19 years old. In the end, I’m sure that what I think of as professional looking clothing is not quite there yet; I only just got out of band t-shirts, grungy jeans, old sambas and studded belt. Its still weird to see myself in the mirror devoid of external character every day.

I try to leave my house by 1010 so I make it to the office by 1030 on time, but hey, I’m all about the polychronic perception of time that is the norm in this region. I enjoy the walk to work. When I talk to some people from Macedonia about it, they comment on how far it is. My perception of distance is very different from most people here and I attribute that to growing up in Wurtsboro and then living in Philly. In the ‘boro, you had to drive 15 minutes in any cardinal direction to get to anything of interest or to go shopping. In philly, I walked whenever I could to avoid spending money on taxis or the subway. You get used to it. But a 15 min walk here seems to be quite a hardship here….or not.

Work 1030 to 1500. Some days go faster than others; some days are more interesting than others. In this sense, it’s the same as in the US. The struggle is coming in on the scene not really knowing the language or the organization as well and trying to get a feel for what is going on project-wise or what has been done in the past. It is great to have a counterpart that speaks fluent English though, I’m not sure how it would work out otherwise. Its amusing to see how my carefully nurtured academic approach to development handles reality in a different country. Or, how it doesn’t. As I get to understand the culture here, I realize that some of the concepts I learned are just going to get shelved indefinitely.

1530-1630ish is my pauza time. When I get home from work, I sort of zone out for a while, have lunch, maybe watch some Доктор Ху (Doctor Who) on tv. Monday-Wednesday I have an hour or two of language tutorial at 5 or 6 in Albanian and Macedonia. This is a far cry from the 4 hours a day, 5 days a week of PST and my present language skills show it.

I’ve been engrossed in some big books lately so I end up spending the later part of my nights reading like a madwoman until I fall asleep with my face, and glasses, smushed in the middle of the book. I also have gotten very into playing around with dreamweaver and GIMP 2.

And there you have it, the average life of a (debatably bookish) Peace Corps volunteer in Skopje.

Welcome to the Posh Corps

I’ve made the move to my post, in Skopje, the capital city of Macedonia. Swearing-in happened on December 12th without any problems. My counterpart and my host family (Mitat and Razije) came to the ceremony. If you want to see some of it, go to the US embassy page for Skopje, or click here. The remainder of the day was happily spent at the Irish Pub with многу лашко темно.

Move-in day was uneventful, beyond the scope of actually moving. My only gripes were failing to say proper goodbyes to my Romanovce friends and losing my med kit in a wild taxi. Besides that, everything was great.

My apartment is super nice. To anyone reading from MK who heard me complaining about my housing situation – strange bathtub, lack of washing machine, hotplates ‘n’ toaster oven etc, I offer my sincerest apologies. I feel like this place looked so different when someone was living in it. It is interesting to think that what I paid for 4 months in Philly for a room in a row house could more than cover the entire year’s lease for my place here. (edit: 3 weeks later, i find out that i have a view off of my balcony of snow capped mountains. i just needed a sunny day to find out.)

Cooking with two hotplates, one burner 1400W and the other 1000W, has been an adventure. You have to remember that the burner is still hot for several minutes even after turning it off. I’m still figuring out the oven. I used it for the first time today to make sarma. My sarma wasn’t nearly as good as the sarma Evan’s host mom makes, but it was good for a first try and with a makeshift kitchen. I also used soy granules for the first time. I like them so much I might try to be a vegetarian for realz- but no promises. I did my laundry by hand two nights ago too. That was as horrible as I expected it to be, but it was also my fault since I hoarded up a lot of dirty clothes so I could avoid the laundry detergent of choice in Romanovce. I am not convinced hand washing actually cleans clothes either, but when i think about it, what more is the machine doing?

My first day on the job involved 4 hours of talking about conspiracy theories and ethnicity issues with Blerim since the president was in Kosovo for a conference. Very interesting. The second day, I was proofing an English version of a project proposal. Today, third day, I had a meeting with my Peace Corps program manager Nadica who helped me sort out some misunderstandings with my org that made me freak out on the inside yesterday. By the end of today, I was really psyched about what we are working on. Yes, we are already doing work.

I finally had a creepy old man experience in Macedonia. I thought it was strange that it hadn’t happened yet, after all the prepping for unwanted attention during training. Someone I had met and should have been trustworthy turned out to be a bit pervy. He saw me walking home from work at 3 in the afternoon and offered to give me a ride, indicating that I should sit in front. I would never sit up front in a taxi alone, wild or no, but I had already met this man in a safe setting with people I already trust completely. As we are going towards my apt, he starts grabbing my left hand and just holding it, or patting me on the leg. And then, saying something about coffee and massages at his house, or so I thought. wtf? Seriously? You are Old and Married and Ew. I make up something that my friends are coming over and I have to go back home. He drives past the entrance of my building and turns to park on the side, and turns the engine off. Then I realize he meant at massages at My House. When it all sunk in, I just started to say No and Bad in Macedonian/Albanian with the finger wagging and tongue clicking. There is no way that would fly with any woman from Macedonia. He stayed in the car and I went home, but it was still totally weird. Eh, I knew it would happen at some point, and I’m positive it will happen again. I hope next time I'll have better vocabulary for verbal chastising.

I’m getting sleepy, but for my last tidbit:

Last night I went to a Christmas get-together at the British Embassy, hence the title referencing the Posh Corps. I had gluwein (I don’t even like gluwein that much, but the atmosphere made it better and necessary), mini mince pies, and christmas carol singing surrounded by people with nice accents. Most people who know me know that I am not a fan of Christmas, but this one occasion made me feel happy that it was Christmas time. Maybe it was close to what I’ve always wanted Christmas to be in my head. Or maybe it was being surrounded by people who speak English in a foreign country and feeling like we are united by this holiday’s traditions. Either way, there is small glimmer of hope that I will come to love christmas again someday.

Site Visit Eve

So tomorrow is the big day when I get to go to Skopje for 3 days and 2 nights to meet my counterpart and future coworkers, both native Macedonians at my workplace and the MAK 11 & 12 volunteers. I'm most excited about not sleeping at home for two nights, although I am skeptical that my hotel will be a hotel. I'm expecting a sketchy hostel, that way no matter what, it will be great. Thats often my favored coping mechanism for life. I think its helping me keep an even keel in Macedonia now. No expectations to be let down. Marko, a MAK 11, said that their hostel was Bad when they came for site visit to Skopje. I can't find MKD online, so who knows.

We took the train to Skopje on saturday and I saw Quantum of Solace! After thinking about it, I think I liked it better than most of the more modern James Bond movies. (the old ones cannot be touched, especially not Sean Connery james bond movies.) Daniel Craig is beautiful, like a modern day Steve Mcqueen, and I love how the new movies let you see more of the emotional toil that goes on for Bond. going to a movie here was very similar to going in the US. The movie theater was in a mall (a very nice mall, by american standards) with the choices being Quantum of Solace, Mummy 3, Hellboy 2, the Love Guru and a Macedonian movie. There were two screens, we got there just in time for the 12pm showing of james bond. Tickets were 120 MKD, which is about 2-3 dollars, depending on exchange rate. Nice seats, no 20 minutes of previews, people were pretty quiet for most of the film. The strange part was the abrupt ending of the movie. Not the movie itself, the theater. The lights went on before the final few beats of music at the end of the movie and then the movie stopped completely in the middle of the credits. Besides that, its pretty much the same.

Its strange when I think that I am in the Peace Corps. I went to the movies! I have pretty frequent internet access, I can go shopping at H&M if I please. I can go out to restaurants and have a beer or two with friends. They have the same beers and cigarette brands. There are Adidas and Puma stores and people actually go shopping in them, despite this country being so poor. This isn't even the capital city. And then, at the end of the day, I go home to my host family that lives in a village with cows and chickens. I'm thinking its all a facade, these western stores and prices. Maybe a handful of people have the money to enjoy these luxuries, the rest are just incurring debt because the mindset here doesn't force people to worry about tomorrow, next month or the next few years. My theory is that the money enabling people to fashion these material lives comes directly from foreign sources via grants from international donors. Maybe not directly, but almost. People get paid to administer NGOs or municipalities, those are the people who can afford to shop at the places I see. But in 2-3 more years, when the money dries up and funders look to other continents, then what? I'm constantly scared that this won't be rock bottom for Macedonia, the worst has yet to come. I'm wondering exactly what my being here will do for macedonia in the end, but its still early to worry about that.

In other news, I also had some decent mexican food on Saturday in Skopje, complete with enough hot sauce that my mouth tingled for another hour after lunch.

Hello Skopje!

I found out today that I am in the dual language program. I am really excited about my post and my location. I will be in Skopje for the majority of my peace corps service, following my homestay, which I will find out about tomorrow. I think I was supposed to keep that under wraps, but I guess Macedonian culture is getting to me already, I couldn't help telling other trainees who asked why I wouldn't stop smiling.

So, once I learn enough Albanian, I'll finally know what the songs on my Rratje e Pristine CD are all about, the cd i bought in Kosovo 2.5 years earlier.

We have a big celebration tomorrow when we meet our host families. There will be folk dancing involved- totally can't wait. I really honestly am excited to meet them. I want to know if everything I've heard about Macedonian familial ties and hospitality is true. Goce (sounds like Goat-say (reddit crowd- dont dwell on that one too long))the security staff leader was saying that there are no alarms or ID swipe type situations in Macedonia because your family and friends (which can be the entire community) act as your safeguard. You need to integrate into your community as a safety measure; your family and your connections protect you. I'm not sure how i feel about that, since I will have no private life for the next 2.5 years, but if its sincere I think it will be wonderful.

I'm going to stop for now, its another impromptu entry. I wanted to visit the cafe one more time before homestay, since I dont know when ill be online again.